Why did the chicken cross the road? So it could get roasted by me!
by roaster 9 months ago
1 comments
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IF I AM FUNNY LIKE THIS IF IM NOT STILL LIKE IT
by IAMFUNNY (NOT) 9 months ago
1 comments
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PLEASE DISLIKE THIS JOKE
by IAMFUNNY (NOT) 9 months ago
0 comments
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why did the chicken cross the road? it didn't, it got hit by a car half way across.
by roaster 9 months ago
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PLEASE LIKE THIS JOKE
by IAMFUNNY (NOT) 9 months ago
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why am i funny? because i am!!!!!!! get roasted
by IAMFUNNY (NOT) 9 months ago
1 comments
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Don’t drink while driving – you might spill the beer.
by billy 1 years ago
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If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.
by billy 1 years ago
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Quantity is what you count, quality is what you count on.
by billy 1 years ago
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I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
by billy 1 years ago
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If you do a job too well, you’ll get stuck with it.
by billy 1 years ago
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When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
by billy 1 years ago
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Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
by billy 1 years ago
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My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cry...
by billy 1 years ago
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Alcohol! Because no great story started with someone eating a salad.
by billy 1 years ago
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A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
by billy 1 years ago
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When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
by billy 1 years ago
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If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
by billy 1 years ago
2 comments
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You never truly understand something until you can explain it to your grandmother.
by billy 1 years ago
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I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
by billy 1 years ago
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If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
by billy 1 years ago
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You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
by billy 1 years ago
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Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
by billy 1 years ago
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Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.
by billy 1 years ago
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I’d like to help you out today. Which way did you come in?
by billy 1 years ago
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
by billy 1 years ago
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I'm jealous of my parents, I'll never have a kid as cool as them.
by billy 1 years ago
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I get enough exercise pushing my luck.
by billy 1 years ago
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If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of bank payments.
by billy 1 years ago
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Children in the back seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause children!
by billy 1 years ago
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Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
by billy 1 years ago
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Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest.
by billy 1 years ago
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The road to success is always under construction.
by billy 1 years ago
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I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
by billy 1 years ago
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The only reason I'm fat is because a tiny body couldn't store all this personality.
by billy 1 years ago
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I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
by billy 1 years ago
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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
by billy 1 years ago
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A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.
by billy 1 years ago
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Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
by billy 1 years ago
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Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
by billy 1 years ago
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You can't have everything, where would you put it?
by billy 1 years ago
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God created the world, everything else is made in China.
by billy 1 years ago
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The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.
by billy 1 years ago
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Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.
by billy 1 years ago
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A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
by billy 1 years ago
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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
by billy 1 years ago
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I'm not clumsy, The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies and the walls get in my way.
by billy 1 years ago
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Alcohol doesn't solve any problem, but neither does milk.
by billy 1 years ago
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If I'm not back in five minutes, just wait longer...
by billy 1 years ago
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Don't you wish they made a clap on clap off device for some peoples mouths?
by billy 1 years ago
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If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead yet?
by billy 1 years ago
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I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed.
by billy 1 years ago
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Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.
by billy 1 years ago
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If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
by billy 1 years ago
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Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
by billy 1 years ago
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I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.
by billy 1 years ago
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What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
by billy 1 years ago
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Three blondes walk into a building. You'd think one of them would've seen it.
by billy 1 years ago
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What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? A thought.
by billy 1 years ago
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One yells to the other, 'How do you get to the other side?'
by billy 1 years ago
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Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.
by billy 1 years ago
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Why do blondes wear underwear? To keep their ankles warm.
by billy 1 years ago
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Why were there bullet holes in the mirror? A blonde tried killing herself.
by billy 1 years ago
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A man walks by a blonde, who is holding a pig. The man asks, "Where did you get her?" The pig answers, "I won her at the fair."
by billy 1 years ago
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How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
by billy 1 years ago
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Why did the blonde put water on her computer? To wash the Windows.
by billy 1 years ago
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What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
by billy 1 years ago
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Blonde: What does IDK stand for? Brunette: I don’t know Blonde: Why doesn’t anyone know!
by billy 1 years ago
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Why can't a blonde dial 911? She can't find the eleven.
by billy 1 years ago
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What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios box? "Omg, donut seeds!"
by billy 1 years ago
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What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
by billy 1 years ago
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How did the blonde die while raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
by billy 1 years ago
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How can you make a blonde go on the roof? Tell her that drinks are on the house.
by billy 1 years ago
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Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.
by billy 1 years ago
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How can you tell when a brunette is actually a blonde who dyes her hair? When she trips over the cordless phone.
by billy 1 years ago
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How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a circle and tell her to go to the corner.
by billy 1 years ago
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A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, It got cold so I turned off the fan.
by billy 1 years ago
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What's a blondes idea of safe sex? Lock the car doors.
by billy 1 years ago
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What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common? You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
by billy 1 years ago
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How do you drown a blonde in a submarine? Knock on the door.
by billy 1 years ago
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What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant.
by billy 1 years ago
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Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
by billy 1 years ago
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Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.
by billy 1 years ago
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How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in her ears.
by billy 1 years ago
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How come it takes so long to build a blonde snowman? Because you have to hollow out the head.
by billy 1 years ago
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How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
by billy 1 years ago
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Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks. The first one said, "Look, it's deer tracks." The second one said, "No, it's wolf tracks" and before the third one could answer, they got hit by a train.
by billy 1 years ago
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What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? I wonder if it's mine.
by billy 1 years ago
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Two blondes are facing each other across a wide stream.
by billy 1 years ago
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What do you call a really smart blonde? A golden retriever.
by billy 1 years ago
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How did the blonde die drinking milk? The cow fell on her.
by billy 1 years ago
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How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
by billy 1 years ago
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Why can't blondes make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.
by billy 1 years ago
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The other blonde replies, 'You are on the other side!'
by billy 1 years ago
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What do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
by billy 1 years ago
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I got a compliment on my driving today said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
by billy 1 years ago
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Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, 'It’s dark in here isn’t it?' The other replied, 'I don’t know; I can’t see.'
by billy 1 years ago
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A blonde decided to paint a room. When her husband got home, he asked, 'Why are you wearing an Alaskan and a winter coat?' She replied, 'The can said for best results apply 2 coats.'
by billy 1 years ago
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I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
by billy 1 years ago
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Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? Because he was a little shellfish.
by billy 1 years ago
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